How to talk to anyone

92 Little tricks for big success in Relationships (Leil Lowndes)

Flood smile

Don’t instantly give someone a big smile before you even recognise who you’re talking to. This just sends the message that you’re willing to give away your smile to any and everyone. See their face, soak it in for a second, then give them a great big flooding smile.

Sticky eyes

Pretend that your eyes are glued to your Conversation Partner’s, don’t break eye contact even after they have finished what they’re saying. When you do look away, do it slowly and reluctantly.

Note… if you’re a guy talking with another guy, don’t stare at the other guy too much as this could give off signals that you either want a relationship with them or want to fight with them. Still make great eye contact, but remember to break that eye contact every now and then.

Big baby Pivot

Give everyone you meet the Big-Baby Pivot, this is a warm smile, a total body turn and your undivided attention that you would give to a sweet little baby. Giving someone your full attention like this tells them that you think they’re special and worth your time.

Limit the Fidget

When your conversation counts, let your nose itch, your neck feel hot. Don’t wiggly your feet and especially keep your hands away from your face. These will give off the wrong signal to your conversation partner, they will think that you’re lying or uncomfortable.

Boost your posture

Create a reminder to stand up straight with your shoulders back, this gives you the look of authority, you’re a big deal. It’s easy to let our posture drop throughout the day, one way to ensure we’re always stood strong is every time we walk through the door, imaging your spine being straightened out.

Watch the scene before you make the scene

Rehearse being a super somebody you want to be before going into whatever important event you have. Be it a speech in-front of a crowd, an important phone call or a difficult conversation you need to make with a family member. By visualising it, you can make it happen automatically when it comes to the real deal.

Make a mood match

Before opening your mouth, take a “voice sample” from your listener. See if they sound bored or energetic etc… and when you talk, match their mood. If only for a moment. Every mother knows this when getting their baby to settle down, they will sympathetically match their baby’s misery for a few moments then transition them into hush-hush happy sounds.

Prosaic with Passion

Don’t worry too much about your first few words, 80% of your listener’s impression is based off how you’re saying your words, not the words themselves. No matter what you say, if you say it with passion, empathy and a positive demeanor, you will sound exciting.

Never a naked city

You know when talking to someone new they’ll ask you where you’re from. Don’t give them a 1 word answer, instead do some research into your city and say something interesting in response to get the conversation going.

Never a naked job

Again, you WILL be asked this question, don’t give a 1 word answer! Flesh it out and throw some delicious facts about your job.

Never the naked introduction

When introducing people, don’t throw out a name and leave it as that. Give them a topic, something they’re into, a fact or at least something to let the group you’re introducing the person to know about

Be a word detective

Every word is a clue, if you mention that it’s going to rain and your conversation partner says “it’s good for the garden at least”. Well they most likely have an interest in gardening, that unlocks a topic for them to talk about passionately.

The Swivelling Spotlight

When you meet someone, imagine a giant revolving spotlight between you. When you’re talking, the spotlight is on you, when they’re talking it’s on them. The longer you keep the spotlight on them, the more interesting they will find you

Parroting

Never let the conversation die, this simple technique can keep the person talking and expanding on their story. Simply repeat the last few words of their sentence and they will usually expand on what they were talking about. So if they said “and then Robert checked into the hotel”. You would reply “Checked into the hotel?”. Then they’d carry on talking “Yeah checked in, but it was…”

Encore!

Performers love to hear that word. When you’re in a group, if you can remember a great story that one of your friends told, tell them to explain their story to the group. They will love it having the chance to repeat their performance.

The latest news

Don’t leave home without the latest news, it will give you topics for small talk and it’s likely what other people will be talking about so you can join in conversations easily.

How to found out what someone does for a living

“How do you spend most of your time?” Someone might be a housewife, unemployed, or recently made redundant, don’t ask what someone does for work, instead ask how they spend most of their time as it’s a sensitive topic.

Your personal thesaurus

look up some common words you use every day in a thesaurus. Slip a few new words in every day to slowly expand your vocabulary. Remember, only 50 words make the difference between a rich, creative vocabulary and an average one.

Watch people

Do they move slow, fast, jerky, fluid, old, young, classy or trashy. Pretend they’re your dance instructor, imitate their style, this way they will feel comfortable with you.

Grapevine glory

A complement someone hears is never as exciting as the one they overhear. A priceless way to praise is not by telephone, telegraph but by tell-a-friend. This way you escape the possible suspicion that you are brown-nosing someone. It’s guaranteed that the recipient will be buzzing when they get this compliment.

Carrier Pigeon kudos

Whenever you hear something complimentary about someone, fly to them with the compliment. Everyone loves a carrier pigeon when they bring good news.

Killer compliment

Whenever you’re talking with a stranger you’d like to make part of your professional or personal future. Search for one specific and unique quality about them, and look them right in the eyes, say their name and deliver the killer compliment

Little strokes

Don’t make your colleagues, friends and loved ones look at you and think “Have I been good?” Let them know how much you appreciate them by caressing them with a vocal “Nice one”

Boomeranging

Just as a boomerang flies right back, compliments boomerang right back to the giver. Like the French say when you compliment them, give back a quick “That’s very kind of you”

Be a chooser!

The lifelong friend, love of your life or future business partner may not be at the party. However, someday, somewhere, they will be. Make every party a rehearsal for the big event. Do not stand around waiting for the moment when that special person approaches you. Make it happen by exploring every face in that room. No more “ships passing in the night.” Capture whatever or whomever you want in your life.

Hear no bloopers, see no bloopers

Cool cats allow their friends to have commonplace bloopers, be them biological functions or them just being clumsy. They don’t notice them, they ignore them as they’re no big deal. Never gape at another’s gaffe.

Empty their tanks

If you need information, let people have their entire say first. Wait for every last word to fall out of their mouths, until then, they won’t be ready to receive your information.

My goof, your gain

Whenever you make a mistake, make sure your victim benefits. It’s not enough to correct your error. Ask yourself “what could I do for this person that would make them happy about my mistake”. For example, if you break someone’s vase, buy them a new one with some cracking flowers. This way, your mistake becomes beneficial for your relationship with the other person.

The original content and ideas in this blog were written by the fantastic Leil Lowndes, please checkout her work and for more tips on becoming a conversational pro, read How To Talk to Anyone: 92 Little tricks for Big Success in Relationships